A mother's job

My daughter found out she got a lead in the school play last night and I don't know how to feel about it.  About a year ago I was comforting my sobbing 11-year-old because she did not make the cut for a county basketball team that many of her friends had made.  It was a devastating experience for A, and for me as a mother who had never seen one of her children in such despondency.  I tried to say all the "right" things and we talked about the experience as a life lesson; how she can learn from the experience and how she could use it as impetus to work harder or decide if basketball was really what she wanted to focus on, as she appears to have her mother's genes and may never grow over five feet two.  Six months later, A once again did not achieve a goal of hers - making the "A" soccer team.  Once again we discussed how she could make it next year if she worked extra hard and focused improving certain skills.  Since her whole life has been devoted to soccer and up to this point it had come fairly easy to her, she seemed to take this experience as a challenge and we've ultimately made it a positive experience. 

All this time, I knew the big 6th grade production was coming up and I also knew that A has been watching those plays since second grade with wide eyes and plans to be up there in the spotlight some day.  As soon as the audition date was announced and she went online to pick the part she wanted to try out for, I started dreading the experience.  How could she cope with another big disappointment if it came to that?  I have the unbiased mother opinion that my children are immensely talented, but A had never performed or certainly never sung in public and with a large 6th grade class, I felt it was my mother job to manage expectations for A.  Every time she asked me if I thought she'd make it, the only reply I would give was that I thought she would be good for the part, but I didn't know who else was trying out, what their talents were, and what the teachers were looking for.  A called that a "mother answer" and asked if I was proud of myself that I came up with such a reply.  I didn't tell her that I almost felt like saying "probably not, but it would be great if you did" as a response - if only to protect her from that huge burst of disappointment if she didn't get a part.

When A saw that she made the play and the part that she specifically tried out for, I almost didn't believe her.  I thought she was kidding me to prove that she could joke about it and didn't care.  She was probably preparing for the worst as well.  Once she showed me the printout that showed is was the truth, I could finally relax and just be happy for my daughter.  And then the guilt started.  I felt bad that I was being such a pessimist and trying to lower her expectations.  That's not my job as a mother.  Shouldn't I always assume the best for my children?  Shouldn't I always encourage them to be brave and seek out challenges, even if some of them might fail?  Was I just being selfish and worried that I was going to have to deal with a heartbroken child again? 

I'm learning it's a hard balance being a mom.  You want to protect them and you want them to take risks.  You try not to live through them but to simply support them.  I will try hard to continue to do this; there is still the challenge and stress of making it through the play but I know she will work hard and perform well and I will be proud of her no matter what happens.